Some grammar jokes to make you laugh. A giggle goes along way to making us all feel happier so we hope you find these English jokes amusing. The TESOL/TEFL teachers will likely get a chuckle from these and their ESL/EFL students might too so share please. Also feel free to post some other funny grammar jokes in the comments section. Thank you and enjoy!
One day an English grammar teacher was looking ill.
A student asked, “What’s the matter?”
“Tense,” answered the teacher, describing how he felt.
The student paused, then continued, “What was the matter? What has been the matter? What might have been the matter… ?”
“‘I’ before ‘E,’ except after C. Weird.”
Walks into a bar jokes involving grammar and punctuation.
Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They Drink. They Leave
A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
A dangling modifier walks into a bar. After finishing a drink, the bartender asks it to leave.
A Question mark walks into a bar?
Two Quotation marks “walk into” a bar.
The bar was walked into by the passive voice.
The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
A synonym ambles into a pub.
A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to drink.
A hyperbole totally ripped into this bar and destroyed everything.
A run on sentence walks into a bar it is thirsty.
Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapsed to the bar floor.
A group of homophones wok inn two a bar.
There’s a verb and a noun in a bar.
They both spot each other, and the verb smiles and goes over to the noun. “Hey,” it said to the noun. “Wanna come back to my place and conjugate?” The noun said “Oh, no. I decline.”
Let’s eat Grandma!
Let’s eat, Grandma!
Punctuation SAVES LIVES!
Q: What do you say when you are comforting a grammar Nazi?
A: There, Their, They’re
Q: What’s another name for Santa’s elves?
A: Subordinate Clauses.
Q: How do you get ten English teachers to agree on the best teaching method?
A: Shoot nine of them.
Q: Is there a word in the English language that uses all the vowels including “y” ?
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. “In English,” he said, “A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.”
A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”
Two friends meet and one of them says:”I’ve taught my dog how to speak English!”
“That’s impossible”, says the other man.”Dogs don’t speak!”
“It’s true! I’ll show you.” He turns to his dog, “How’s the situation in England?”
The dog answers: “Rough, rough.”
What’s the difference between white socks and red socks?
(Students will most likely answer the color)
Then you say, “yes, that’s one difference but there’s another:
The White Sox play in Chicago and the Red Sox play in Boston!
Once upon a time, somewhere in Europe, a family with three sons lived on a farm. As the farm was too small to support all of them, and the parents were not yet ready to retire, the sons decided to emigrate to South America, where they bought a ranch and raised beef cattle.
Question: So what did they call their ranch?
Answer: They called it “Focus”, because that’s where the sun’s rays meet (sons raise meat).
What is the longest word in the English language?
SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!”
Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws and one is a pause at the end of a clause.
A Texan professor and an Oxford professor are chilling at a conference bar. The Texan professor, bored, looks to the Oxford professor and strikes up a conversation. “So there partner, where y’all from?” Oxford prof. replies, pushing his glasses to his nose: “Well, in reply to your query, I hail from Oxford. In addition, where I come from, we never end our sentences in a preposition.” The Texan prof. blinks once, shrugs his shoulders and drawls, “My apologies! What I mean to say is ‘where y’all from, asshole?’”
Teacher: “Josephine, give me a sentence beginning with I.”
Josephine: “I is …”
Teacher: “No, Josephine. It’s always ‘I am…’ ”
Josephine: “OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
When I was a kid, my English teacher looked my way and said, “Name two pronouns.”
I said, “Who, me?”
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